[personal profile] ilia
Title: Christmas Gift
Author: Lady Yueh
Fandom: Supernatural
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not my property and no infringement is intended.
Date: December 20
Author’s Notes: Cracky fic for [livejournal.com profile] sheron. My poor demented brain.
---------

Dean and Sam were on alert as soon as they returned to their motel room.

“Anything?” Dean asked as he cleared the bathroom.

“Yeah,” Sam said from his spot next to the ridiculously large, coffin-sized present. “Dean, it’s for you.”

“What the hell?” Dean muttered as he took the tag from Sam. ‘To: Dean Winchester. Happy Holidays.’

Sam and Dean shared a look of dread. Both were wondering just what kind of nasty, dangerous thing they’d been sent.

“It’s your gift,” Sam spoke quickly and backed off, training his gun on the box. “You open it.”

Dean glared but he knew when he wasn’t going to charm his way out of it. He started tearing off the lurid wrapping paper, it was shiny and gold with glittering, silver angels.

“I swear to God, if this is a body--” Dean left the threat unspoken as he opened the top of the cardboard box. “HOLY SHIT!”

“Is that?” disbelief colored Sam’s voice.

Dean poked the body hesitantly. “It looks like Cas,” he said uncertainly. If Castiel had been wrapped in a red, satin ribbon topped with a large bow.

“Look at the inside, some kind of binding sigils?” Sam murmured to himself as he studied the inside of the box, which was marked with arcane symbols.

“But is it really Castiel?” Dean prodded.

“As far as I can tell,” Sam answered reluctantly.

Dean shook Castiel. “Castiel? Yo, Cas! You’ve missed your morning wake up call! Uriel’s pissed! The Lord called! Castiel!”

“Is he even breathing?” Sam asked.

Dean checked the angels’ vitals. “Everything checks out for human, but he’s an angel I don’t know--hello.” Dean caught sight of a splash of red that wasn’t ribbon tucked behind the poofy bow. It was a card addressed to him.

“What’s it say?” Sam questioned cautiously as he watched Dean turn violently red and his eyes widen to epic proportions.

“Fucking Trickster!” Dean cursed.

Sam reached for the card--whose front featured a suggestive picture of a naked chested man with wings--and managed to snatch it before Dean could protect it.

Sam choked back a laugh as he read it. “Dude you have to--”

“No!” Dean interrupted before the thought could be spoken. “You’re gonna research your ass off and fix this.”

In the face of Dean’s agitation, Sam could do nothing but nod though privately he thought it was a lost cause. They never won against the Trickster.

--------

“Dude, it’s been two days. I’m not going to find anything. And Uriel isn’t answering your calls. You know what you have to do,” Sam said with frustration as he hit another dead end.

Dean didn’t even argue, he knew it couldn‘t be put off for much longer and if he were honest with himself he just wanted the whole mess to be over with so he could forget about it.

“Sammy, leave,” Dean ordered.

Sam weighed the possibility of the best teasing/blackmail material ever versus the very real possibility that Dean would kill him.

He left.

Dean stepped closer to the de-ribboned body that had been tucked into his bed. There’d been no changes, no sweat, no movement, nothing.

“This better be between us or I’ll smite your ass,” Dean muttered irritably as he leaned over Castiel.

He gave him a quick peck on the lips and immediately retreated.

“Cas?” Dean asked after a moment. “Castiel?”

Nothing.

Had the Trickster lied?

Castiel’s nose twitched.

Then nothing. For a long while. Dean shook, poked, tickled to no avail.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this.” He wondered what the punishment was for molesting an angel as he kissed Castiel firmly, counting off seconds in his mind.

Shoulders shifted under his hands and slack lips became firm, long eyelashes fluttered and tickled his face.

Dean stood up quickly.

Castiel’s eyes opened, blue and confused. “Dean? Did you, kiss me?” he asked as his tongue ran curiously across tingling lips.

Dean crossed his arms. “The Trickster did it. We’re never talking about this again. Understand?”

Castiel stared at him intensely but Dean matched him with a glare and after a moment Castiel nodded gravely.

“Thank you,” he said and in the span of a blink was gone.

--------

“Sam, one more Sleeping Beauty joke and I won’t be held responsible for what happens.”

Sam let it go with an innocent shrug. After all, he’d stashed the card with the original message for future ammunition.

He recalled the words with relish.

‘My gift to you. Only way to wake Sleeping Beauty is with a prince’s kiss. Merry Christmas, Dean. The Trickster.’

Date: 2008-12-21 06:50 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] moonofwinds.livejournal.com
I think I might be killing myself with laughter here.

Date: 2008-12-21 07:01 am (UTC)
ext_131: (crowley/aziraphale)
From: [identity profile] ladyyueh.livejournal.com
Well, as long as you don't stay dead.

^_^

Date: 2008-12-21 07:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] moonofwinds.livejournal.com
I am a "ghost writer" now. Lol, no :D

Date: 2008-12-21 07:12 am (UTC)
ext_131: (armed and snarky jack)
From: [identity profile] ladyyueh.livejournal.com
There are worse thing to be *thinks of brain eating zombies*.

Date: 2008-12-21 07:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] moonofwinds.livejournal.com
Braaiiins! Wait not Winnnnng!Porrrrnnnn! Yep, I think we're all nuts.

Date: 2008-12-21 07:39 am (UTC)
ext_131: (perfect ten)
From: [identity profile] ladyyueh.livejournal.com
That, we are. It's the best way to be!

Date: 2008-12-21 08:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eternal-dolor.livejournal.com
This is priceless. It was a pleasure to read

Date: 2008-12-21 10:36 am (UTC)
ext_131: (timetrio)
From: [identity profile] ladyyueh.livejournal.com
I'm glad. Thanks so much.

Date: 2008-12-21 09:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] darksilvercat.livejournal.com
AHAHAHAHAHA OMG I LOVE YOU!!! \o/\o/\o/\o/\o/

Date: 2008-12-21 10:37 am (UTC)
ext_131: (Mushu)
From: [identity profile] ladyyueh.livejournal.com
*chuckles*

ILU,too.

*squees at standing ovation*

Date: 2008-12-21 11:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] strangeandcharm.livejournal.com
This was so silly, but I loved it!

*runs off to bribe the Trickster*

Date: 2008-12-21 11:57 am (UTC)
ext_131: (wing!porn)
From: [identity profile] ladyyueh.livejournal.com
*blames the cracked Muse*

I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Careful with the Trickster, he's tricksy.

Date: 2008-12-21 01:45 pm (UTC)
goddess47: Emu! (Default)
From: [personal profile] goddess47
I love your Advent Calendar! Such fun! I don't even read this fandom (although this is making me interested) but it was nicely done!

Date: 2008-12-21 07:49 pm (UTC)
ext_131: (frozen youko)
From: [identity profile] ladyyueh.livejournal.com
You're so sweet. It's such a compliment that you'd enjoy this without knowing the fandom (I do rec Supernatural for supernatural angst, drama, and pretty boys being boys).

Thanks!

Date: 2008-12-21 01:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] downfall35.livejournal.com
Lol, that was interesting and definately gave me a laugh

Thanks!

Date: 2008-12-21 07:49 pm (UTC)
ext_131: (inuyasha[blood])
From: [identity profile] ladyyueh.livejournal.com
My work here is done.

^_^

Date: 2008-12-21 02:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] blackdoggy1.livejournal.com
LOL! Cute. Wish somebody would deliver that gift to my house.

Date: 2008-12-21 07:50 pm (UTC)
ext_131: (heroes.hiei)
From: [identity profile] ladyyueh.livejournal.com
Wish somebody would deliver that gift to my house.

Don't we all?

Date: 2008-12-21 05:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] twighlightr.livejournal.com
This will make me smile all day :) great work x

Date: 2008-12-21 07:50 pm (UTC)
ext_131: (inner senshi)
From: [identity profile] ladyyueh.livejournal.com
\o/

That's always a nice thing to hear. Here's hoping your days is full of smiles. :-)

Thanks!

Date: 2008-12-21 06:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] blualbino.livejournal.com
I love your poor demented brain so much right now. I'm giggling like a maniiac at the mental image of Cas wrapped up with bow up top.
Plus-“The Trickster did it. We’re never talking about this again. Understand?”-That line just killed me.

Date: 2008-12-21 07:52 pm (UTC)
ext_131: (injureternity)
From: [identity profile] ladyyueh.livejournal.com
*pets poor demented brain*

Happy to have brought laughter into your day!

Date: 2008-12-21 07:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] motschekiebchen.livejournal.com
*"Here, Trickster, here." Trying to find the Trickster and bribe him to change Dean in Sleeping Beauty and to send him here for Christmas.*


Loved it. Great for a laugh for yet another rainy day.

Date: 2008-12-21 07:53 pm (UTC)
ext_131: (alucardseras)
From: [identity profile] ladyyueh.livejournal.com
*"Here, Trickster, here." Trying to find the Trickster and bribe him to change Dean in Sleeping Beauty and to send him here for Christmas.*

I don't think you're the only one. What's scary is I don't know who'd win, Trickster or the fangirls.

Thanks for commenting!

Date: 2008-12-21 09:49 pm (UTC)
ext_33880: (Default)
From: [identity profile] keire-ke.livejournal.com
XDDD We adore the Trickster and his sick sense of humour. <3 I laughed out loud, thanks!

Date: 2008-12-21 10:30 pm (UTC)
ext_131: (perfect ten)
From: [identity profile] ladyyueh.livejournal.com
That's the reaction I was going for!

I'm happy to hear you enjoyed it!

Date: 2008-12-22 01:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] serendipityhope.livejournal.com
this was really funny!

Date: 2008-12-22 10:21 am (UTC)
ext_131: (Camshaft)
From: [identity profile] ladyyueh.livejournal.com
*big grin*

It's great to hear that you think so!

Date: 2008-12-22 05:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] adriana-linkinp.livejournal.com
Long live the Trickster. XD

Date: 2008-12-22 10:22 am (UTC)
ext_131: (House Laugh)
From: [identity profile] ladyyueh.livejournal.com
Well, as long as all his tricks serve to please the fangirls!

*laughs*
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